Clearly I Dont Wanna Grow Up
31st January 2016-------------------
I remembered it all too well. Every inch of the story, every part of the actors, the co-actors and also the star in the very story of mine. It still fresh in my mind on how some of the crowd were staring at me, on how they're giving me a sympathy look; teary face, red eyes. I knew they were expecting a dramatic gestures, a sinful screamed when i got home. Unfortunately to them, i was too cold and broken and literally dead to even cry and to beg any hug from the crowds. I didnt need those, at. all.
I was strong they said, I was happy when i found out he's gone they said, I was not close with him they said I was an ungrateful daughter they said, we were fighting over his money they said.
At the very moment of life, where i dont look up into someone's opinion which i prefer dont matter in my life where i finally realized Im already an adult. Im in this cycle, i have passed my phase. I have passed everything that i wish would never happen. I;ve gone through things that people wish to avoid from. Im so thorough, alas. I am clearly there.
Back to the beginning of the story, before i realized i was still a hopeless girl. At the age of 20, losing someone's important in our lives, you wish it is not an options nor obligatory rules to live in. But It does, crazy thing is it does. We tend to hear it from other people, but how we dont exactly feel the real pain of losing, the struggling of acceptance, the awkwardness of sympathy, the life they had to live with the person they use to live with. How surreal those feeling is? Have it ever cross in your mind and questioning yourself what if, what if it happen to you one day? Someone that value more than a life of yours just eternally gone.
Alright imagine this; you are so close with this person, the closest of all, you tell them stories, you share your secrets with this person, you enjoy talking to them,you enjoy howling at their laugh, you spend most of your lifetime with , you once tell them; only death do us apart. After the death have tore both of you apart, you have come to the realization on how those phrase can be so powerful than the hammer of Thor(Mjolnir). It's like a wake up call for those who never steps outside of their comfort zone, imagine the bursting of firecrackers and you're about to run from the cracker but you cant even move.
Simple period rule of life. DEATH.
So remember this people, one day you're gonna lose someone's important. Someday, you're gonna be alone and you have to work on something on your own. So, be wise and be grateful even if you're still young, even if your 20 or 17 or 30. Be you and be bold. Stop being this spoil freaking brat person,grow up! Life does not happen just the way you wanted it to happen, if someone hurt you, mend yourself. If someone makes you cry, get up and wipe your own tears. If one of your friend have a good grade than yours, dont get jealous, learn from them instead! If most of your friend dont listen to your story, grab their attention. Be you. If no one cares, find someone who care. Life is too short to be stress on people or life is too short to spread unreliable rumors. If you get hates, confront them instead of talking shit behind someones back. If you have something to say, go ahead tell them what you feel. I assure you, they'd be happily pleased to listen to your sides of opinion because we and they and me cant read your minds, we dont know where we went wrong.Fix thing like a grow up does. If you've got problems and you have things to settle down, spill the hell out of your mouth. Have fun with your life. Stop stressing on something that is never there. Be happy and be funny even tho your life is a mess. well if your life is a total mess, dont mess up with someones life too! Thats unfair. (hakhak)
SO LESSONS OF LIFE IS NEVER EVER GET STRESS ON SOMETHING THAT IS NEVER EXIST AND SPILL EVERYTHING'S OUT BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY THING THAT COULD HELP. BEING SILENCE DOESNT HELP, IT WORSEN YOUR PROBLEMS CUZ EVERYONE WILL ASSUME. ASSUMING IS BAD. SO DONT JUMP UP INTO CONCLUSION IF YOU NEVER CONFRONT THOSE PROBLEMS. NEVER. EVER. IN. YOUR. LIFE.
PS: tiada kena mengena antara hidup ngan hat mati. ade kene mengena ngan aku ja pasai aku dah takde bapak, so life just hit me hard but i dont let life eat me up whole, cuz i own me.
I remembered it all too well. Every inch of the story, every part of the actors, the co-actors and also the star in the very story of mine. It still fresh in my mind on how some of the crowd were staring at me, on how they're giving me a sympathy look; teary face, red eyes. I knew they were expecting a dramatic gestures, a sinful screamed when i got home. Unfortunately to them, i was too cold and broken and literally dead to even cry and to beg any hug from the crowds. I didnt need those, at. all.
I was strong they said, I was happy when i found out he's gone they said, I was not close with him they said I was an ungrateful daughter they said, we were fighting over his money they said.
At the very moment of life, where i dont look up into someone's opinion which i prefer dont matter in my life where i finally realized Im already an adult. Im in this cycle, i have passed my phase. I have passed everything that i wish would never happen. I;ve gone through things that people wish to avoid from. Im so thorough, alas. I am clearly there.
Back to the beginning of the story, before i realized i was still a hopeless girl. At the age of 20, losing someone's important in our lives, you wish it is not an options nor obligatory rules to live in. But It does, crazy thing is it does. We tend to hear it from other people, but how we dont exactly feel the real pain of losing, the struggling of acceptance, the awkwardness of sympathy, the life they had to live with the person they use to live with. How surreal those feeling is? Have it ever cross in your mind and questioning yourself what if, what if it happen to you one day? Someone that value more than a life of yours just eternally gone.
Alright imagine this; you are so close with this person, the closest of all, you tell them stories, you share your secrets with this person, you enjoy talking to them,you enjoy howling at their laugh, you spend most of your lifetime with , you once tell them; only death do us apart. After the death have tore both of you apart, you have come to the realization on how those phrase can be so powerful than the hammer of Thor(Mjolnir). It's like a wake up call for those who never steps outside of their comfort zone, imagine the bursting of firecrackers and you're about to run from the cracker but you cant even move.
Simple period rule of life. DEATH.
So remember this people, one day you're gonna lose someone's important. Someday, you're gonna be alone and you have to work on something on your own. So, be wise and be grateful even if you're still young, even if your 20 or 17 or 30. Be you and be bold. Stop being this spoil freaking brat person,grow up! Life does not happen just the way you wanted it to happen, if someone hurt you, mend yourself. If someone makes you cry, get up and wipe your own tears. If one of your friend have a good grade than yours, dont get jealous, learn from them instead! If most of your friend dont listen to your story, grab their attention. Be you. If no one cares, find someone who care. Life is too short to be stress on people or life is too short to spread unreliable rumors. If you get hates, confront them instead of talking shit behind someones back. If you have something to say, go ahead tell them what you feel. I assure you, they'd be happily pleased to listen to your sides of opinion because we and they and me cant read your minds, we dont know where we went wrong.Fix thing like a grow up does. If you've got problems and you have things to settle down, spill the hell out of your mouth. Have fun with your life. Stop stressing on something that is never there. Be happy and be funny even tho your life is a mess. well if your life is a total mess, dont mess up with someones life too! Thats unfair. (hakhak)
SO LESSONS OF LIFE IS NEVER EVER GET STRESS ON SOMETHING THAT IS NEVER EXIST AND SPILL EVERYTHING'S OUT BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY THING THAT COULD HELP. BEING SILENCE DOESNT HELP, IT WORSEN YOUR PROBLEMS CUZ EVERYONE WILL ASSUME. ASSUMING IS BAD. SO DONT JUMP UP INTO CONCLUSION IF YOU NEVER CONFRONT THOSE PROBLEMS. NEVER. EVER. IN. YOUR. LIFE.
PS: tiada kena mengena antara hidup ngan hat mati. ade kene mengena ngan aku ja pasai aku dah takde bapak, so life just hit me hard but i dont let life eat me up whole, cuz i own me.
